The honeymoon phase is fueled by biology. When you fall in love, your brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These chemicals act like a love-fueled blindfold, helping you focus on all the wonderful aspects of your partner while filtering out their flaws. This chemical high is powerful but temporary—designed by evolution to bond us long enough to develop a deeper connection.
When this initial infatuation wears off, you’re left with the unfiltered version of your partner—and they, of course, see the unfiltered you. This is where the real work begins. Relationships, after all, aren’t just about love; they’re about navigating differences, managing expectations, and finding ways to grow together.
The end of the honeymoon phase often ushers in what’s commonly referred to as the power struggle phase. During this stage, partners begin to notice their differences more acutely and may feel the urge to assert their individual needs, preferences, and boundaries. It’s here that couples start to encounter recurring arguments and misunderstandings, and many begin to wonder if they’re “incompatible.”
The truth is, this phase is a normal and necessary part of any healthy relationship. It’s not a sign that you’re with the wrong person—it’s a sign that the relationship is growing beyond surface-level attraction. This phase presents an opportunity to learn new ways of relating, to become more self-aware, and to co-create a partnership that’s based on trust, respect, and shared values.
Shift Your Mindset About Conflict Conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s a chance to understand yourself and your partner better. Instead of seeing disagreements as roadblocks, view them as bridges to deeper intimacy. Ask yourself, “What is this argument really about?” Often, beneath the surface of every fight is an unmet need or unexpressed emotion.
Take Ownership of Your Triggers Many arguments are less about what your partner is doing and more about how their actions mirror your own past wounds or unmet expectations. By identifying and taking responsibility for your emotional triggers, you can respond more thoughtfully rather than reacting defensively.
Practice Pausing Before Reacting When tensions rise, take a moment to breathe, step back, and reflect. Responding from a calm state (rather than reacting in the heat of the moment) can de-escalate arguments and pave the way for productive conversations.
Create Space for Individuality Healthy relationships thrive when both partners feel like they can maintain their individuality. This might mean setting aside time for solo hobbies, giving each other space to recharge, or even having separate routines that honor your unique needs.
Communicate With Curiosity, Not Criticism Replace blame with curiosity. Instead of saying, “Why don’t you ever listen to me?” try, “Can we talk about how we can communicate better? I feel unheard sometimes.” This approach invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.
If you’re finding yourself in this tricky stage and unsure how to move forward, you’re not alone.
Tamara, a seasoned relationship expert, explores the nuances of this phase in her course
The Power Struggle Phase.
It’s a rich resource for understanding why this stage arises and how to navigate it with grace and compassion. Her guidance emphasizes practical strategies for managing conflict, maintaining individuality, and building a relationship that thrives beyond the honeymoon.
While the power struggle phase can feel frustrating and exhausting, it’s also the gateway to something deeper and more profound. It’s the part of the relationship where you get to learn about yourself, confront old patterns, and build a foundation for lasting intimacy. Instead of fearing this phase, embrace it. It’s not the end of love; it’s the beginning of a new, more authentic connection.
In the wise words of Tamara, “Conflict is an opportunity to grow, not a sign that you’ve failed.” Relationships may not always be easy, but the rewards of working through the tough moments are immeasurable. After all, love isn’t about avoiding the storm—it’s about learning to dance in the rain.