How to Heal from Past Relationship Traumas or Heartbreak

Relove Team
Heartbreak. Just hearing the word can make your chest tighten and your stomach drop. Whether it’s a relationship that ended abruptly or one that slowly unraveled over time, the process of healing from past traumas and heartbreak can feel daunting. But here’s the truth: you can heal. You can move forward. And in doing so, you can create space for a deeper connection with yourself and others.

As a relationship coach who has walked with many through these tender terrains, I’m here to offer some guidance, a bit of perspective, and maybe even a little humor to help you on your journey.

Additionally, check out The Art of Self Pleasure, From Trauma to Pleasure, and Sensual Awakening course to help you on your healing journey.

Step 1: Feel All the Feels

Let’s start with the obvious—heartbreak hurts. There’s no shortcut around it. You need to feel it. Cry into your pillow, journal furiously, or listen to that Adele playlist on repeat (we’ve all been there). Emotions are like waves; they rise and fall. Let them come. By acknowledging your pain instead of suppressing it, you allow it to move through you, rather than getting stuck in you.

Step 2: Be Gentle with Yourself

Heartbreak has a sneaky way of making us question our worth. “Was it me?” “What did I do wrong?” Stop. Right. There. You’re human, and relationships are complex. Healing requires self-compassion. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend who’s hurting. Buy yourself flowers. Take a walk in nature. Remind yourself that your value isn’t determined by a relationship’s success or failure.

Step 3: Reflect and Learn

While it’s tempting to sweep everything under the rug, there’s value in reflection. What worked in the relationship? What didn’t? Were there red flags you ignored, or patterns you’d like to avoid in the future? Reflection isn’t about assigning blame—it’s about gaining insight. Think of it as emotional spring cleaning: clearing out the old to make room for the new.

Step 4: Reconnect with Your Joy

Heartbreak can dim the light in your world, but you can reignite it. Think about what brings you joy—hobbies, interests, or friendships you might have set aside. Whether it’s painting, dancing, cooking, or picking up a new passion, reconnecting with what lights you up helps rebuild your sense of self.

Step 5: Establish Boundaries

Sometimes, healing means creating a little distance. That might mean unfollowing your ex on social media (no need to torture yourself), saying “no” to things that drain your energy, or being clear about what you need from others. Boundaries are an act of self-love and a way to protect your healing heart.

Step 6: Trust the Process

Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel like you’re finally okay, and others, a small reminder will send you spiraling back. That’s normal. Trust that the process is unfolding as it should. Time doesn’t just heal wounds; it provides perspective and distance, allowing you to see the past with more clarity and less pain.

Step 7: Open Yourself to Possibility

When you’re ready (and only when you’re ready), start imagining a future where love exists again—not necessarily with someone else, but within yourself. Healing is as much about rediscovering self-love as it is about moving on. When you rebuild that connection with yourself, you’ll find you’re better equipped to love and be loved again.

Heartbreak can feel like the end of the world, but it’s also an opportunity to rebuild your foundation stronger than before. You’re not just healing from a breakup; you’re growing into the next, even more empowered version of yourself.